Self Esteem Challenge Day 3: One Fear or Goal you Would Like to Conquer

Posted 21st July 2014 by Anstice in Creative Writing, Health, Memes & Tags / 🗨1 Comment

Today is Day 3 of the Self-Esteem Challenge, originally from Better than Dark Chocolate. It’s a series of questions and prompts to get you thinking about your good qualities and things that make you happy or proud. See my introductory post for more info.

What is one fear or goal that you would like to conquer?

What instantly sprang to mind was a goal and a fear that are very closely related: my goal to complete my novel and my fear of failure. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a writer. My greatest personal desire is to finish a novel and get it published and I would be so happy and proud of myself if I managed to achieve it. It’s a long road to publication, but I know that the important thing right now is to write, write, write!

But despite really enjoying writing and really wanting to get my stories out there, sometimes I struggle to write at all for weeks, even months. I don’t think it’s writer’s block, as I don’t have a lack of ideas during this time. It’s more like when I think about writing down my ideas, I’m suddenly crippled by a feeling of dread and I can’t even face bringing up the document to look at my work or even writing a few lines on paper. I just avoid it and do something else. I think it stems from a fear of not being good enough. I’m afraid that what I write is utter rubbish and that I’ll read some of it back and cringe with embarrassment. So sometimes I can’t bring myself to even try and this is holding me back.

Slyvia Plath said ‘the worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt’ and I think that’s true. I know this attitude is counter-productive and it has become a self-fulfilling prophesy. I avoid writing because of a feeling of inadequacy, but this means I’m not practising my skills and so my writing is probably not at the standard it could be. I also know that suppressing the urge to write affects me negatively-I start feeling frustrated and unfulfilled when I don’t express myself on paper. So I’m currently working on trying to overcome these feelings. I think the key is to try not to think too much and just put my bum in the seat and write, without censoring myself. Doing NaNoWriMo has helped with this, as during the challenge you’re encouraged to bash out the words without worrying too much about quality. I’m trying to continue with this mentality throughout the year, remembering that there will be plenty of time to edit later.

This last year has been a turning-point for me in terms of my career and relationship and I’m now hoping to keep that momentum going and conquer some of my writing goals too. This could be my best year yet!

Do you have a fear that’s holding you back from accomplishing something?

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One response to “Self Esteem Challenge Day 3: One Fear or Goal you Would Like to Conquer

  1. I don't know if I can explain my fear,I guess the best way I can put is I would like to overcome the fear of "the other shoe dropping" "rug being pulled out from under me" "my world coming crashing down.I constantly weary of things going well because I'm afraid something is going to go horribly wrong leaving me and my son homeless/penniless.The goal I'd like to achieve is to get out of my head(I live there alot,it's easier than life) and stop wallowing in my depression and sickness thinking I have no purpose and do what I know God is calling me to do:be a prayer warrior.That requires self discipline to focus on being in His Presence and praying fervently for others.I hope that makes sense.

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